On Giving and Receiving...But Mostly Receiving

Being so close to the holidays, I feel like I can make a confession: Christmas is a very hard time of year for me. Not because of the lights, the snow, or the delicious goodies that are in abundance, or even because of the music or all-around feeling of good cheer. It is for none of those; in fact, I actually love Christmas! I love almost everything about it!

…Except gifts. I have a REALLY hard time with Christmas gifts. I love giving gifts, but I have a very difficult time receiving gifts.

If you have ever heard of the “Love Languages,” as Gary Chapman has coined them, you know that there are basically five categories of how people feel and express their love: quality time, acts of service, physical touch, words of affirmation, and giving meaningful gifts. The way I feel love is by spending quality time with someone. Gifts? They are very low in my love language scale. In fact, I believe the last time I took the test Chapman provides, I got a zero on gifts. Yes, you read that right. Zero. Which means that receiving a gift doesn’t necessarily make me feel the expression of love intended.

This causes a lot of problems, especially around Christmastime. In general, I am perfectly content spending time with those I love on the holidays. I love finding unique gifts for people, and watching their happiness when they open their presents, but feel uncomfortable when it is my turn. I don’t miss the irony in the situation.

This is a problem I have noticed recently, and am working hard to fix. Because there are people who express love mainly through gifts; and I recently realized if I don’t accept their gifts graciously, in essence it could very well be construed as me rejecting their expression of love.

I know that I am not the only one who is uncomfortable with receiving gifts, but this is something that I am working to rectify, hopefully BEFORE Christmas morning.

Today, I want to explore the importance of both receiving AND giving gifts, as well as the art of receiving gifts graciously. Because I do believe that it is an art to receive a gift, and is another one of those ladylike qualities that seems to be fading in our culture, even though gift GIVING seems to be growing exponentially.

Why is it important to give gifts? To answer this question, I thought about why I love finding and giving gifts to others. The answer I came up with was also fairly ironic. I enjoy giving gifts because I like the person knowing that I was at the store and I thought of them. I like a friend or family member to know that I care about them, enough to pick something up for them. Also, I love the feeling I get when I serve someone. The feeling when you get someone a gift is good; from buying the gift, to keeping it a secret, right up to the point when they open the gift, it just makes me happy. Which, I imagine, is why some people’s love language is meaningful gifts. That “high” of gift giving and receiving helps them to both express and feel love.

This leads me to my real focus: Why is it important to RECEIVE gifts?

This one was a bit harder for me to answer. But when I did, the answer kind of surprised me. If gifts are a way to show love and to serve people, then rejecting a gift does not allow that service to be performed. By not accepting a gift, I don’t allow someone to feel the “high” of gift giving. I don’t allow them to benefit from serving someone else. In short, if I give a gift, but refuse to receive a gift, I am hogging that goodness for myself; which contradicts the very reason we serve in the first place. Seems like kind of a double standard, doesn’t it?

When I receive a gift, although I don’t automatically correlate that gift with an expression of love, it really is just that: an expression of goodwill and love. It is a symbol of a sacrifice (no matter the size of the gift) of that person’s time and resources to bring to you. This is something that I am not very good at realizing, and it is something that I am trying to work on.

However, there is a difference between receiving a gift graciously and, well, not. Part of my struggle with gift-giving is that I don’t know how to handle myself when I receive a gift. Do I open it right then? But I don’t want to appear selfish…do I wait until I am alone? Do I show it off to everyone around me, or do I just thank the giver profusely? And finally, how long should I allow that focus to be on me before directing it elsewhere (this especially pertains to Christmastime)?

I am sorry to admit, I do not know all of the right answers. In fact, all I have are a bunch of opinions I have gathered together that sound gracious and reasonable. But hopefully there are some gems of truth in these opinions.

Saying a sincere “Thank you” goes a long way. Instead of pushing a gift aside by saying “You shouldn’t have!” instead, just show the giver your gratitude by expressing it. “Thank you” is the simplest, most efficient way to do so, even though it is embarrassing how often I forget that. Plus, I think a thank you card is a nice gesture that is seriously underrated, but incredibly uplifting to receive.

As a general rule, I think it is good to open your gift in front of the giver. Obviously, there will be situations where that isn’t practical, but if a friend comes to your home to drop off a Christmas gift, invite them in so you can open it in front of them. Part of the joy of gift-giving is watching someone receive your gift. Try not to deny others the opportunity to enjoy it. As for “showing off” the gift, I think it depends on the situation. If your friend came up to you privately, they may prefer that you keep the gift between yourselves. However, a party situation can be a completely different ballgame.

Finally, above all, SMILE! I have found that smiling through awkward gift-giving situations is a sure way to make myself feel better about the situation. Not to mention that if you accept a gift with a look of consternation on your face, your loved one is going to think you don’t like/want it. Which, even if you are completely uncomfortable with the situation, you still want the giver to know you love and appreciate them.

What ways have you found to graciously receive gifts, even when you felt uncomfortable? I would love to hear your advice!!