Being a Lady in an Unladylike World

Ladylike living is a topic that has always fascinated me. One of the nicest compliments I have ever received was "Darcy, you are always such a lady." Ever since then, I have wondered that that means, exactly. There are plenty of women I greatly admire, and several whom I would label as "ladies." but what exactly is a lady?

 I have looked at many books, trying to pin a definition to such a vague term. However, none of those books' definitions satisfy me. Especially because these books all seem to term ladylike behavior as "old-fashioned." Is being ladylike really so out-of-date that we don't need to learn proper behavior anymore? The world seems to think so. I disagree.

If I know one thing about the world, it is that the world has not been kind to the men and women in it. To men, the world says that they are not good enough; it says that they are sloppy, crude, and childish. The world tells men that they are too lazy. Not strong enough. Not good-looking enough. Take a look at television. Men are always portrayed as stupid and lazy. They are inundated with these messages.

To women, the world says that they are not sexy enough. That they are not balanced enough, busy enough, or motivated enough. The world tells women that they need to be more alluring, put together, and skinnier. That they need to work harder and be more ruthless in order to prove their worth.

I see the influence of these messages in my own life. I can feel the world telling me what to believe, and how to behave. And whatever ladylike behavior is, the world is most definitely pushing away from it. And the easy option would be to just give in and live like the world is demanding. Especially since living like ladies and gentlemen seems like a quaint dream--impossible, really.

But I believe it isn't impossible. In fact, I KNOW it isn't impossible. I believe that as men and women, we are sons and daughters of God. And I know that there is a way of living that is befitting to His children. And I want to discover what that way is.

Jeremy has a blog that he loves--it is called The Art of Manliness. He once told me that it teaches him how to be a gentleman in an ungentlemanly world. How fantastic would that be if there was a blog like that for women? I know that I would be a regular subscriber.

Before I get too carried away, I would like to note that I do not expect to become such a blog. However, I DO want to start exploring ladylike behavior. And there is a part of me that hopes that I am not alone in my desire to see ladylike behavior make a comeback in the world. Because the world is wrong about men and women--and by being ladies and gentlemen, we can prove the world wrong together.

Happy Valentines Day!

Yep, that's right. I just said that controversial "V" word.Seriously, I feel like Valentine's day is  one of the most controversial holidays we have. Which is sad to me, because isn't the whole purpose of the holiday to express your love toward others?

Which reminds me--why do we need a holiday totally designated to expressing our love? I would think that is something we ought to be doing all the time. Is it that we really have become so self-centered that we need a holiday to remind us to tell others that we appreciate them? Or is it maybe that we have forgotten what love is--that love to us is better represented in chocolates and flowers than it is in words and actions? I think that these things are awesome--but I don't think they are the sole definition of what love is, or what it can be.

A couple years ago, I taught a group in my church called the Sunbeams. The sunbeams are a group of kids that are three years old. They were always such an entertaining group to teach--since they were three, the lessons consisted mostly of very simple concepts with lots of activities. Well, the year I was teaching Sunbeams, Valentine's day happened to fall on a Sunday, so I decided to do something a little special for my three-year-olds. I decided to give them all Valentines.

To help you understand, I had four boys and one girl in the group--causing a lot of drama; three of the boys were madly in love with Sariah (the little girl), and Sariah wanted nothing to do with any of the boys--except for Jack, who wanted nothing to do with her. It was quite the dramatic little group.

That Sunday, when I gave them each a Valentine, it was such a beautiful reminder to me to see what simple, innocent, childlike love is. One of the boys, Hunter, definitely had the most dramatic relationship with Sariah. He always tried so hard to impress her, and she just never acknowledged it. But Hunter never gave up. That particular week, I handed them their Valentines, and Hunter went straight to Sariah. In a croaky little voice, he asked "Sawwaiah, will you be my Vawwemtime?" (It is hard to write in three-year-old vernacular!)

Granted, I had to hold back a laugh, but at the same time, what a sweet reminder that little Hunter loved Sariah. Not because he had complicated feelings for her, but because he embraced that simple love a three-year-old understands. I wonder if, like so many other things, we complicate love. In fact, I know we do.

I don't claim to be a love therapist; I am no expert. But I do know what love feels like. I have been blessed to love many people, and to be loved by many people in my life. Good parents, family, friends, and of course, a wonderful fiancé. And I can attest to one thing: real love--what some people would refer to as "true love" is simple. Easy, even. Real love is enduring, and it falls into place where it needs to.

Real love doesn't depend on chocolate, and doesn't just surface once a year when there is a designated holiday for it. Real love is all the time, no matter the disappointments or disagreements.

Real love is determined. I wish I could say that Hunter and Sariah's story had a happy ending, but unfortunately Sariah never even acknowledged Hunter's request. But Hunter kept trying. Because real love is worth the effort.

Happy Valentines day, all!

Reaching the Unreachable

This life is hard. You can ask anyone. There are wars, sickness, hate, mosquitos, murderers, sprained ankles, scary movies, disappointments.... The list goes on and on. So how does one achieve that happiness in life that seems so unattainable? That is what I have been thinking about lately.

There are so many books on being happy, and it seems like they are all saying the same thing: happiness is a choice--although there are certainly circumstances that can affect a person's happiness, by and large you get to decide how those circumstances affect you.

I agree that this is true. As Jeremy will attest, I have been known to stubbornly refuse to choose happiness if a situation upsets me. At times, I would rather be miserable than choose to be happy. Which is never helpful in actually trying to obtain happiness. It is a bad habit of mine that I need to fix--but I digress.

I agree that largely you can choose to be happy. But I also agree that some things bring happiness; even if you don't intend them to.

I read one of those many happiness books recently--actually, I read The Happiness Project. There were a lot of good points that the author made in the book. One point that she made was that you can't choose what makes you happy. What she meant by that is that there are going to be things in life that make you happy, and some of those things you can't control.

What makes you happy? Outside of the normal realm of things--family, friends, etc.--I mean. Does knitting make you happy? Art? Dancing? Sushi?

There are a lot of things that make me happy that one might consider unusual: Hearing my nephews laugh when I chase them around the living room, sketching or doing art that makes my fingers messy, playing piano when there is no pressure of performing, sitting in the warm sunshine all curled up with a favorite book, sliding down a ski slope on a sunny day with fresh powder and corduroy, feeling the warm sand on my toes with my family at Bear Lake. Putting on an outfit and knowing that I feel great. With so many things to make me happy, I ask myself: is happiness really so unreachable?

Once I started thinking about it, I realized there is so much that makes me happy--so I ask again, what makes you happy? And how can you reach for the unreachable?

Party Dresses and Pickiness

I have decided that I am far too picky for my own good. I like to pretend on occasion that it is because I know what I want in life, but... we all know better. :) Actually, it is strange. Most often, it is about the most random things that I am picky.

Take this past week for example. I decided that since I am what could be classified as a slob, I should probably have a different dress for the luncheon after the wedding.

Sounds simple enough, right?  Yes... Except I know exactly what kind of dress I want. you know those fifties-style dresses? Think Audrey Hepburn style: flared skirt, fitted bodice. I ADORE those dresses, and I think they look very ladylike.

There is one problem, though. those dresses are really hard to find! Let me rephrase that: the dresses are really hard to find for a decent price. I should know. Jeremy realized that I want this particular dress, and he began to search tirelessly. For me. Have I mentioned that I love that man? I kid you not, he searched for so long; I was even tired of searching! And I did not make the job easy. Every time he pulled up a dress, I would veto it. "Too short. Not poufy enough. Too low of a neckline." I am sure I drove him crazy. But he kept searching, and eventually we found the style I am looking for.

I admit, I have not bought it yet, but I at least now have an idea of where to find the dress I love. I also learned something very important. Jeremy wants me to be happy. I knew that before, but it is little miracles like this that make me remember how lucky I am--and I hope I never forget that--dress or no dress!