Half-Mile Days

I was so lucky as to have the opportunity to serve an eighteen-month mission for my church. I was sent to the wild and foreign land of… Omaha, Nebraska. Okay, okay, so it wasn’t completely wild and foreign. But it WAS away from my family, and away from Utah, where I had lived all of my life.

One of the things I got to do as part of my mission was to work as a tour guide at the Mormon Trail Center, located in Florence, Nebraska. There, I talked about the Mormon pioneers and their incredible journey to Salt Lake City, Utah. I taught people who were familiar with the story already, as well as people who had never heard much about the journey. Several times a week, I would work a shift at the Trail Center and take tours.

I took many tours in the eighteen months I served, and many of the places of the Trail Center are permanently engraved in my mind. The pioneer stories I shared each day have had a huge impact on my life, and I often find myself pondering the pioneers. But there was one spot in particular that I find myself thinking on more often than most.

It wasn’t an incredibly exciting display; in fact, it was essentially just a map. It showed the stopping points of the first group of pioneers as they traveled from Nauvoo, Illinois, to Florence, Nebraska (called “Winter Quarters” because it was a stopping place for many pioneers during the harsh, Midwestern winter months). The journey between the two points is about 310 miles. The journey by car takes five hours. If the pioneers had been walking about 15 miles a day (I am no expert, but I think that is a reasonable distance), it should have taken about 20 days to make the journey. But they weren’t walking 15 miles a day. The journey took the pioneers three months to make.

Why did it take so long? One of the main reasons is mud. There was a LOT of mud, and it drastically slowed the pioneers down. In fact, there were days when the pioneers would only be able to make it a half mile before it was time to stop to make camp. Yes, you read that correctly: a HALF MILE.

This statue is part of a series of statues located in downtown Omaha. This particular statue represents the mud that the pioneers faced on their journey through Iowa.

I loved this spot in the trail center, because as I looked at the map, I thought about the pioneers. I imagined them working hard all day to struggle forward, battling the elements, and finally being told it was time to stop for the night. As they made camp, it is not unrealistic to believe that as they looked at the journey they had just made, they could see the remains of their camp from the night before. It was painfully small progress, especially when they had so many miles and days still to go. 

I often joked that if I had been a pioneer, I would have seen the slow progress and given up. I would have probably picked a muddy spot on the ground and told everyone to go on without me. “Thanks for walking with me this far,” I might have said. “But I have gone as far as I will go, and I think I will stay here.” In fact, I am amazed that more people didn’t do just that. But—amazingly—they didn’t. Most of them kept walking on, despite the difficulty.

That Trail Center experience was several years ago—so why am I telling this to you now? Because the other day I was reflecting on my bad mood when I realized that I was experiencing a half-mile day.

Obviously, by that I don’t mean that I literally walked all day, made it a half mile, and then stopped to camp (I do actually own a car and have an apartment I live in), but I felt like my progress  in life had slowed to a “half mile.” I racked my brain, thinking of the last time I had done any of my favorite hobbies, or learned something new, or stepped out of my comfort zone to help someone. Sadly, I couldn’t think of many examples.

That is when I realized that I had indeed, picked a little muddy patch of ground, and was stubbornly holding onto it, despite the promise of so much good ahead of me. I have to admit, I wasn’t shocked—after all, this IS what I had joked about doing back at the Trail Center—but I WAS very ashamed of myself. Despite joking about being a terrible pioneer several times, I never considered that I actually might stop and refuse to move forward.

How do you deal with those half-mile days? For me, luckily, once I realized what I was doing, I was able to figure out how to change things. I started picking up some of my favorite hobbies again, and I started trying new things. Here are a few things that have helped me:

I love cooking, so I started obsessively searching for new recipes (That is a post for another day), and I have started trying new things in the kitchen. There have been a few successes, and a few spectacular failures, but most importantly, I have learned a lot from the experience, and I feel like I am making progress.

I also love reading. I have picked up a lot of new books, and have been exchanging books with a coworker. It has helped me try things I haven’t heard of before, and gives me motivation to find reading time.

Another thing that has been occupying my thoughts is a murder mystery dinner Jeremy and I are writing for our friends. We put one together a couple years ago, and it was a blast (again, that is a post for another time)! It has been fun to come up with character stories and motives, and try to figure out the most entertaining way to put everything together. This murder mystery dinner will be quite a bit more interactive than our last one, and we plan on having it several times and hopefully having a lot of fun at the same time.

Once I started working on these things—along with several things I knew I had been wanting to do for months (dusting, organizing, etc…), I noticed that I started feeling more cheerful, and feeling like I was making a bit more progress in my day. The creativity and learning have both been essential in my feeling of making progress.

Unfortunately, there are still days when I feel like I am making laughable progress. But I think everyone has those. And I think that I have now realized something the pioneers realized a long time ago: one day’s progress doesn’t make up the entire journey. Just because I have a day where I slip and stumble and make it only a half mile does not mean I failed for the day. It simply means that I can learn to pick myself back up tomorrow and try again.

How do you pick yourself back up after a half-mile day? What are some things that keep you moving forward?

Putting Your Phone Away

A couple weeks ago, my sister and brother-in-law came to visit. They have been living in Louisiana for a few months, because my sister is doing out-of-state student teaching. Jeremy and I had the day off, so we went to my parents house to visit with them. It was a lot of fun--we shared stories, played games, and had a lot of laughs. Then, at one point in the afternoon, we were relaxing in the living room.

While we were relaxing, I took out my phone and started to check my email, look at Facebook--all the great things smart phones are capable of. My mom broke into my reverie by saying "Seriously, guys?" I looked around and realized what she was talking about. All of us--Jeremy, my sister, my brother-in-law, and I--were on our phones.

Perhaps this seems like a silly story. You may be thinking "Big deal. Phones are such an important part of society. Why is it so appalling that you were all taking advantage of the technology?" and you are probably right. Phones are a big part of society. Technology in general is making things easier and faster every day.

But what happened to interacting with others? When did technology become more important than people?

Several years ago, I was able to participate in a choir concert where choirs from all over the area got together. We rehearsed for a day, then had a concert later in the evening. At one point, the guest choir director was scolding a student for playing on their cell phone. He said, "Look. If I wanted to spend time with technology, I could have stayed home and surfed the internet. I came here to interact with people, not your phone."

Of course we all laughed, but for some reason, that lesson has stayed with me for years. When you are with people, be with people. Don't let your phone become more important than your friend.

In the movie Hitch, Will Smith (Hitch) is talking to one of his clients and says "When you are in the room, be in the room." Granted, he is talking about a date, but shouldn't his advice apply to all of us? When I play on my cell phone in a family member or friend's company, am I not saying to that person "Sorry, but you are less important to me than this"? Hitch's advice to Albert is excellent, because it is something we can all use.

I am not saying that it is easy to put the technology down. A phone is easier to interact with, and is harder to offend. But it needs to happen. Technology is really hampering our social skills. It has been argued that simple skills, such as eye contact, attention span, and basic conversation skills, are decreasing because of technology. We are spending more time staring at a screen, and less time developing interpersonal skills, and the deficiency is starting to show.

Unfortunately, I don't have a solution for this, since it is something I am struggling with as well. But Jeremy and I had a talk about this, and have decided that the change needs to start with the both of us, when we are spending time together at home.

Now when we spend time with each other, we are trying to put our phones away. It isn't easy, and we have both slipped and absentmindedly begun checking Facebook or imgur (or--but this is only a weakness of mine in our house--playing plants vs. zombies), but I have noticed that our time together is more meaningful. We have been having more conversations, and we laugh a lot more.

As for me, I feel more important. It is easy to feel replaced when the person you are with only cares about what is on their screen. Even if their screen time isn't excessive. As Jeremy and I have made a conscious effort to spend time with each other, rather than our phones, I have noticed that I feel less resentful when we do take phone or computer time. There is less tension, and I don't feel like I am interrupting something when I speak up. I know this is something I am going to continue working on.

Overall, it has been really nice, and so I am extending the challenge to you: put your phone away! There is a time and a place for technology, but there should also be a time and place for our interactions with others.

How have you seen a difference when you are "in the room"? Have you tried the technology-free challenge and seen a difference? I would love to hear about it!

Keeping My Clutter Contained

I am not the most organized of people. Typically in the past, I have let clutter build and build until eventually, it drives me crazy and I can no longer stand it. That is when I begin a mass deep cleaning, and wear myself out before I am finished with the cleanup. This means that usually, when I clean, it is a deep clean.

As a result, the mere thought of cleaning exhausts me. I can’t stand the idea of deep cleaning, when the main thing that bothers me is the clutter. Surely that shouldn’t take all day to clean up, should it? (The answer is no. No, it shouldn’t.)

Since I have been married, it hasn’t been so bad. I am learning to clean up as I go, so there is less clutter around, and the main living areas of our home are usually presentable. This is a lesson my mom tried to teach me for years, but I refused to pay attention to. However, even though things are improving, there are still gathering places for junk, and some less-obvious areas in the house tend to get overlooked.

A couple weeks ago, realized I was feeling antsy because the clutter was starting to invade on my peace of mind again. This time, instead of committing to a deep cleaning of our entire apartment, I sat down to think for a minute. I pondered the problem, and possible solutions. Recently, I have read a couple books that touch on being organized, and tips for making the task less overwhelming. Here were the problems and facts I came up with (don’t worry, we will talk about solutions in a minute):

·         Clutter doesn’t happen overnight. It takes time for things to pile up. I don’t go to bed with a clean house and wake up with a tornado-struck living room.

·         Stuff gathers stuff. This one is less eloquently worded, but basically, the principle is this: if I leave a piece of mail or a coupon on an end table because I am not sure where to put it for now, it becomes infinitely easier to stack other papers on top until I have a huge pile of junk.

·         Along with that…It’s harder to make a mess than it is to add to a mess. Take a clean, clutter-free kitchen table. I HATE putting mail or other loose papers on a clean table, but I have less of a problem with it if the table is already messy.

·         Less is more. Sometimes we accumulate so much STUFF that we forget what it is like to live simply. That is when we end up with twelve black skirts, or that favorite pair of shoes that we can’t bear to let go of, even though there is an identical pair in the closet.

·         Everything needs a place. I think this one is self-explanatory. If something doesn’t have a place, it is junk.

·         The garbage can isn’t that far away. Yeah, I find that sometimes I get lazy and put trash on the stairs or couch to clean up later, when the trash can is an extra twelve steps away (maybe). Am I really too busy to make that trip?

·         Fresh messes clean best. I found that I can tolerate cleaning up a mess if I do so right after it has been made. If the mess has been sitting for a few days, it is easier to push it back a few days more.

·         The simplest messes are sometimes the easiest to overlook. I find it easy to forget about simple messes sometimes, like making the bed. Such an easy task, but it makes the room look much better.

Okay. So obviously, I have a lot of issues with cleaning. I am sure there are more, but in a quick brainstorm, these were the first I came up with.

As I thought about the issues I have, I realized there are ____ relatively easy things that I could do differently, to make cleaning a shorter affair. I have been working on them this week, and have been amazed at how much of a difference it has already made. Of course I have let things slip, but overall, our house feels much tidier, and I feel much less stressed. Hopefully these suggestion help you as well!

·         Clean up messes before they grow stale. When I am cooking dinner, it is much easier to wipe up a spill BEFORE it hardens. When I eat, it is easier to rinse the dish off and get it in the dishwasher BEFORE there is a towering inferno to deal with. Not only does it take less time to clean up one dish than twenty, I also feel better and have more clean working space. The same thing goes with anything I take out: movies, games, and books. Just like my mom taught when I was little, PUT IT BACK before I take something else out.

·         Don’t take shortcuts now that will cause stress later. When I wake up, I should make the bed (I am still working on this one). That way, when night comes and I am ready to sleep, I don’t have to straighten sheets or make the bed presentable, just for me to mess it up again. In the same regard, I am trying to take the extra few steps to the garbage can instead of leaving junk all over the house. This also prevents junk from gathering. Two birds with one stone!!

·         Make a habit of de-junking clothes. I am sure there are other areas in my life where I can use this advice, but I like to go through my clothes twice a year: Once in the spring when I put away fall/winter clothes, and once in the fall when I put away spring/summer clothes. I have decided that it is a good idea to do a quick check through of my clothes each time I bring home something new. If I haven’t worn it for the season, it is probably time to be thrown away.

·         Organize once, and keep it that way. When I was de-junking my closet (still a work in progress. I have shoes left to sift through), I realized that if I arranged my hangers in some semblance of order, I would be able to easily take stock of what I have and what I need. I now keep the shirts/sweaters, jackets/cardigans, and dresses/skirts separate. And, I am shocked to say, I am starting to organize my closet by color. I also went through my drawers and folded all my undershirts so I can easily see the color and style and know what I want. I am amazed at how often I am wearing different combinations now, and how much easier it is to decide what to wear.

·         Find a place for everything. I don’t mean to go out and buy organization tools for every scrap of paper, but have a place to put coupons and other hard-to-place items. And if it is out of sight, even better. Drawers are marvelous for hiding random flashlights, scissors, glue, and other things you need but don’t have a place for. I believe life is less stressful with those things hidden.

·         And finally…Commit to a walk-through each night. This has been a hit-or-miss step for me, but I can tell the difference when I do it. Each night, right before you go to bed, walk around the house. Rinse that plate you kept a piece of pie on after dinner. Pick up that discarded mail and put it in the trash. Fold the blanket you have been using in your chilly living room. A walkthrough like this shouldn’t take more than ten minutes, but I have found it to be strangely relaxing as I wind down for the evening. Not to mention, it is so nice to wake up to a clean house.

There you have it! These are some easy things I have been trying to do each day as I try and make the transition from “cluttered” to clean. Honestly, I didn’t realize it could be easy. I always assumed tidiness was out of my reach. But it is a matter of cleaning as you go, which saves a lot of time in the long run.

What are some of your favorite tricks for keeping clutter-free?

Being A Finisher When It Counts

I have a long history of not finishing things.

There have been a series of projects in my life that I have started with gusto, then eventually dropped or let fade away into oblivion as my attention was caught by something different or more interesting. I have a collection of barely-started and half-finished projects: stories, knitting/crocheting, journals, drawings… the list goes on.

I am not proud of this habit. In fact, it has vaguely bothered me over the years. Even as I find a new hobby to grab hold of I realize that eventually this too will likely lose its appeal and be abandoned.

I don’t WANT to be an abandoner, I would much rather finish all the projects I have started, to make way in my mind and life for new hobbies and projects. But for some reason, other things pop up that seem more important, more interesting, or more necessary than my current venture. But it doesn’t mean I like it. I want to be a finisher.

Then, a couple years ago I learned something very important about myself. My mom and sister had signed me up for the Top of Utah half marathon. I agreed, thinking there was PLENTY of time to train. Ha. As usual, I started my training with gusto. I ran consistently for a couple weeks, then slowly, work and life crept in. I essentially stopped training, which (as you can guess) was a bad plan, because the race was still coming, and eventually arrived.

I woke up early with my mom and sister, praying for an unexpected burst of stamina. The beginning of the race went fine. My sister, who had been training hard, cruised off and left my mom and me in her dust. My mom and I started to run. Slowly, we started to make progress.

I won’t bore you with the details of the race, but I will say that running that half marathon was agonizing. I begged my mom to leave me, but she patiently (or stubbornly) kept with me, encouraging me to run, and walk, and occasionally even limp along. I wasn’t surprised that I was having difficulty—I had, after all, basically stopped training—but I was surprised at was exactly HOW hard things got. Every part of me ached, and all I wanted to do was to stop.

For those of you who know, the Top of Utah marathon is great—most of it is downhill, with a tiny uphill portion followed by a long, flat stretch at the end. From about halfway through mile eleven, you can actually see straight forward to the finish line. That is one of the worst parts, actually, because you can see the end but still have further to go.

When my mom and I reached that flat stretch, I was beyond finished. I was in pain and miserable, and had no desire to go even one step further. At that point, I thought “I can’t do this.” After all, there were runners already walking back home; there were people walking sedately past us, having finished hours before.

I wanted to be one of those people. I thought “I could quit now—after all, who is really ever going to know or care? Twelve miles is a pretty good deal, right?” I knew that my dad and sister were waiting at the finish line. I knew that Jeremy (at that point, my boyfriend) was waiting there for me. But at that moment, I did not care.

Except… there was one small part of me that DID care. Somewhere, deep inside my brain, buried behind all of the negativity and doubt, there was a small part of my mind that refused to quit. I don’t know exactly what happened. I would love to say it was a huge moment for me; but that would be a lie. Instead, I just suddenly realized that if I gave up right then, if I abandoned this race, I would care. I realized that this was a time when finishing really mattered. That somehow, this race was going to set the tone for other huge obstacles in my life. If I quit then, how was I going to treat other hard moments in my life? That was when I realized that I couldn’t quit. So, I didn’t.

That race was HARD. That last mile and a half nearly killed me. But I did it. I finished the race. I even ran the last half mile, so I could say I ran through the finish line. And what exactly did I learn about myself that day (you may well ask)? I learned that there is a time when finishing matters most. And I learned that I can (and will) finish when that time comes.

I am not alone in my non-finishing habits. There are a lot of people who I hear lamenting the unfinished projects in their lives. And I am the same; I still start projects and leave them behind. I have a crocheted dragon that I started shortly after Jeremy and I got married—it has half of a head so far, and nothing else. I plan on coming back to it someday, much like other projects I have left behind. But you know what? It doesn’t bother me so much anymore now. Oh, there is still a part of me that wants to complete that dragon someday; and I will. But I don’t put the same self-deprecating emphasis on that project anymore.

There are times when we put projects and deadlines on ourselves to show how busy and accomplished we are. Those times make finishing admirable. But there are also times when finishing defines you, and changes you in ways you wouldn’t expect. To finish at those times is incredible. I think one of the challenges in life is to know when finishing matters most, and to find it within ourselves to finish at those times.

When have you been a finisher? I would love to hear about it!