Ready or Not...

Change is such a funny thing. Sometimes, it comes through years of hard effort, gradually coming about until suddenly, one day you notice the difference.

Sometimes, it is more like a natural disaster: quick and dramatic, where one day things are one way, and the next is completely different.

And sometimes, change is like climbing a mountain. Hard, exciting, and full of anticipation over what is at the top.

A lot--in fact, I would even dare say most--changes are small. But occasionally, there comes a change that is huge, and somehow you know instinctively that your life is never going to be the same.

Some of these changes that have happened in my life:

Birth. Granted, I do not remember being born. But you can't tell me that coming from the dark, cramped, cozy womb into this world filled with light and chaos (among other things) wasn't a drastic, life-altering change.

College. I moved away to attend Brigham Young University--Idaho for a couple semesters. That was a big deal. Suddenly, I had to share a room, make my own food, and deal with the drama and woes of five other girls...all away from the security of home.

Mission. Two of the biggest changes in my life so far were leaving on a mission and then returning home. Both were terrifying changes in my life...but that is a story for another time. Let's just say, it was a big deal for me.

Despite these three examples and the changes they made in my life, I am rapidly approaching the biggest life-altering event I have ever faced: I am getting married on Friday.

Jeremy suggested that I write down my pre-wedding thoughts. I think it would be a good idea. Especially because my thoughts are all over the place.

There are moments when reality hasn't yet sunk in. It is so hard to believe that the past three months have been centered around planning this wedding. Especially when so many church lessons and girlhood fantasies growing up were centered around that distant day in the future when I would be swept off my feet. It is kind of hard to believe that hey! My prince HAS come! Someday is finally HERE! Honestly, I don't think it will feel real until several weeks after Jeremy and I have gotten married.

Then, there are rare moments when I have time to think. Last night, for example. Jeremy and I said goodnight, and as I was driving home I spent a few quiet moments in prayer and contemplation. That is when I realized a couple things.

The first thing I realized is that this change is permanent. Jeremy and I are getting married for forever. Eternity. That is a long time! And while I know that we will argue and have hard times, I also know that we are committed to the long run. I feel so blessed to have someone equally committed to making this work!

I also realized that ready or not adulthood, here I come! Although I suppose I have LEGALLY been an adult for a while now, this seems to make it official. And--honestly--that scares me. I don't know whether I AM ready.

Let me rephrase that--historically, girls got married young. Like fourteen. There is NO WAY I was ready at fourteen for a committed relationship. Even if that was what my girlish fantasies were centered around. (Reading back in my journal is almost painful. with all that teenage angst). But really, who am I kidding? I wasn't even ready for marriage at eighteen or nineteen, when many of my friends were getting married! So part of me wonders what makes me sure I am ready now?

The answer? Nothing. No one has told me that I am ready to be married, by handing me a degree in Single Life. But I am taking the plunge anyway, because a degree like that doesn't exist. And if I wait around for one, chances are I will be waiting for a very long time.

God has a plan. He has one for you, he has one for me. He knows what is best for both of us. And He always gives us the help and guidance we need. And since marriage is a big deal, I know He has encouraged me in this direction.

Jeremy makes me happy. God's plan for each of us eventually ends in eternal happiness. Why wouldn't he want me to be happy here on earth? He does want me to be happy now! So he has made happiness possible in many ways. Getting married to my best friend and one of the very best people I know is just one of the ways.

All these things I thought about on my drive home last night (yes, it is a long-ish drive). And, despite the slight panic of looming adulthood, I feel overwhelmingly at peace; I am so very lucky to have such and incredible man with whom I can relate intellectually. We talk, we laugh, and we work to become the best people we can be--and we will continue doing that. The only difference now is that we will be doing it together.